Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
