Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i've created a new STD.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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