Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize