apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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