My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I did not marry a roomba.
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