my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
