Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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