yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
