im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize