I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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