Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
