May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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