he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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