I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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