Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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