What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
