i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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