You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
