There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
