I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its liver damage thursday
Randomize