Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
