TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
