It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do herpes really smell.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
