paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
