the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
