with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
