The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
