My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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