When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
