guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
