Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
