i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
