that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He shit in the fireplace
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
