It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
