shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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