She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
