I got chris browned last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
