im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
