you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
