How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
