I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
