i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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