An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
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So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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