So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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