Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
