You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
