Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ketchup is God's man juice
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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