i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
