Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
