I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
