fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
