His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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