Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
