I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
