he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i need some magic done to my vagina
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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