Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
