Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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