i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
