Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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