I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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