I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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