I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
