he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
