maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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