hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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