you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize