Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
