wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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