...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
