from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
